Ben Davies On Brink of Despair Following Metro Snub

Reports coming out of the Tottenham Hotspur camp today reveal that left back Ben Davies is suffering a mental breakdown and, according to some sources, is “on the brink of despair”, following London newspaper The Metro’s failure to recognise his existence as a carbon-based life-form.

The paper’s well-known Team of the Week section, read by commuters all over London, named club counterpart Danny Rose in their XI selection, despite Rose failing to actually make any kind of appearance for his club in the last seven days.

For the 23-year-old Davies, already known by club insiders “as a fragile Welsh lad better off at home with dandelions, sheep, leeks, dragons, really long words, Gareth Thomas and other Welsh things”, this recent snub will come as a particularly hard knock.

“Ben’s a vulnerable guy. As if playing second fiddle to a better player wasn’t enough of a reminder, now he’s also been mistaken for a black guy who wasn’t even playing” said one club insider, keen to point out the Metro’s deeply impactful error.

“Being born in Neath meant having an awful start in life. Then there was the Swansea nightmare with its brief detour in Viborg, Denmark and now this. Obviously he’s under constant surveillance. Suicide watch around the clock”, added a representative of the Tottenham medical team.

Davies, on his behalf, has refused to make a statement, resorting only to mumbling incoherent sentences down the phone which LOLFootball.com suspects to be English spoken in a Welsh accent.

Whether he makes it through alive for Tottenham’s clash against Monaco later this week depends on the success of the Black Lives Matter movement and whether the Metro’s reverse-racist bias for Danny Rose continues.

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