Top 5 All Time Premier League Goal Scorers (With Headers)

(Edit; since this article was published – Peter Crouch broke Alan Shearer’s record, but all the other stats remain the same).

The Premiership has had the pleasure of some absolute aerial brutes over the years. Today we celebrate the top five players who have scored the most goals with their superior noggins. Have it!

5.) Dwight Yorke

Never a name to go down well at one of Katie Price’s serial wedding ceremonies; the Trinidad and Tobago former Aston Villa and Manchester United hit-man brags a humble 38 headed goals.

4.) Les Ferdinand

Here’s some pointless random football knowledge for you – did you know that Big Les was once involved in the scandal of vandalising the Blue Peter garden as a young lad? Not to sound like an overprotective mother or anything, but he was with Dennis Wise at the time so it probably wasn’t his fault as our Les is a good lad and that Wise kid is nothing but a bad’n.

Blue Peter scandals aside, The QPR Director of Football (whatever the fuck that is) was an absolute powerhouse in his day and brags 40 goals with his unbelievably talented cranium.

3.) Peter Crouch

Hardly surprising considering he towers at 6 foot 8 inches, Mr loveable’s late headed equaliser against Newcastle yesterday make him the 3rd highest ever Premiership scorer of goals with one’s bonce on 44 goals. Crouchy is firm favourite to top this list considering the top two no longer play anymore.

2.) Dion Dublin

Better known by Sir Alex Ferguson for the size of his shlong, Dion is number two on the list and agonisingly only one goal behind the top dog, with 45. For anyone unaware of what Fergie actually said about Dublin’s manhood, the direct quote was:

“Big? It isn’t big. It’s magnificent! I’ve seen some whoppers in my time, but Dion’s is something else”

Get a room, Fergie.

1.) Alan Shearer

That’s right, the man who you now see looking menacingly at the wrong camera on Match of the Day could play back in the day. When we say play, we mean terrorise defences with his brutish strength and boat load of goals. Not only is Shearer the highest Premiership goalscorer of all time; but he tops the list of goals with his loaf – 46 headed goals. Legendary stuff!

Here’s Alan in action back in the day showing us how it’s done…

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