Toure’s Agent’s Furious Photoshop Dick Revenge

 1 year, 3 months ago 0 Comments

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Following the recent verbal shots fired by the agent of Manchester City’s unwanted midfielder Yaya Toure, things have escalated to a new level thanks to popular software application Photoshop and some rather unflattering depictions of manager Pep Guardiola.

Outspoken agent Dimitri Seluk, who has represented the midfielder since the early beginnings of his career, has grown increasingly more enraged since the former Barcelona manager left Toure out of his squad’s Champions League campaign.

Deciding to take things further thanks to a Photoshop crash course taught by a 9-year-old, Seluk, who is reported to have been “a complete donkey with computers” according to friends, is said to have been furiously doctoring photos of the Spanish manager with the intention of ruining his reputation.

“Dimitri’s been photoshopping great huge dicks across every photo of Pep he finds.”

“He’s barely had time for Yaya. He’s spending his whole time Googling “big cocks” and then spamming the web with all these new photos. He’s obsessed”, said one of the Russian’s inner circle.

Insisting Guardiola should “have the balls” to apologise to the 33-year-old Toure, it seems Seluk, having failed to get a rise out of the manager, is choosing to use the Adobe Suite as a weapon of mass destruction instead.

With a plan to disseminate his new Guardiola triptych titled “Pep Loves Penis”, Seluk plans to hit popular shopping centre Manchester Arndale to show off the fruits of his labour later this week.

He can suck a fat one“, was the Russian’s only comment.

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