Jose Bosingwa’s Eyebrows Key Factor in M4 Pile Up

 1 year, 9 months ago 0 Comments

screen-shot-2016-09-15-at-05-13-55Following catastrophic news yesterday of a six-car pile-up on Britain’s busiest motorway the M4, forensic tests have revealed that former Chelsea star Jose Bosingwa’s eyebrows are to blame.

The Portuguese international, who seemingly dropped off the face of Earth since a disastrous spell at QPR, has been arrested on charges of manslaughter this afternoon.

Following a trip made to Britain from his home in Turkey, where he currently plays at Trabzonspor, Bosingwa was reputed to be on his way to attend a beauty consultation with a specialist eye lady when the incident happened.

A witness claimed Bosingwa’s eyebrows were “so profuse” that he “needed the sunroof open to make for extra space.”

Police reports have also confirmed the incident, claiming the pile-up was caused by a temporarily blinded driver who passed by the player driving in the opposite direction, close to the hard shoulder near to Junction 13.

Losing control soon afterward, the driver veered into an oncoming Gregg’s pasty-delivery truck before rolling forty times and bursting into flames similar to a high budget action movie.

According to a statement made by authorities, Bosingwa was ‘endangering the risk’ of drivers, having ‘failed to prune or manicure his profuse eye topiary garden since departing British shores back in 2013’.

Sentencing is to start midday tomorrow. Bosingwa’s defence team is expected to call on witness Ásgeir Börkur in hopes of defending the Zaire-born player’s right to “do whatever the fuck he wants” with “the most famous monobrow in football” .

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