Marriage Not As Good As ‘Soccer Saturday’ Say Men

Committing to spend the rest of your life with one person, through sickness and health is absolutely nowhere near as good as the unbridled joy of sitting in front of the box for six hours of Jeff Sterling every Saturday, according to a new survey.

A poll of married men from the UK, claimed that 93% of blokes reported higher levels of euphoria and found deeper life meaning whilst watching Kammy and the boys, as opposed to a soul-destroying trip to Ikea with the missus.

“Divn’t get us wrong – I like Wor lass, but I love Jeff,” beamed Derek from Sunderland.

Dave Simpson, from Sutton Coldfield confessed: “I was a broken man until I bought a Sky package. Mundane trips to her mum’s house and holidays to Benidorm with her fu**ing boring brother – I can handle all that bollocks knowing that I’ll see the lads on Saturday with a warm cuppa.”

Women of the UK are not taking this lying down and feminist magazine; ‘Feminazi Sisterhood’ have called for a national telly curfew for men in England between the hours of 12-6pm every weekend, replacing actual fun with DIY and buying pillows that no one in the house will ever actually use.

Jose Mourinho had “nothing to say” when asked how he felt about the sanctity of marriage and Nigel Pearson sat on the fence with a charming “f*ck off and die.”

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