Sergio Aguero to Marry Batigol’s Daughter in Hope of Finishing Selective Breeding Experiment

 3 years, 10 months ago 0 Comments

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Manchester City hitman Sergio Aguero has stepped up his eugenics game of late, choosing to centre his attention away from the pitch for a period and woo retired legend Gabriel Batistuta’s daughter into the sack instead.

The 28-year-old Argentinian striker, known to take huge inspiration from the ‘father of eugenics’ Eugene Fisher as well as the Nazi-led principles of Hitler, has already experienced some success with his personal selective breeding program having formerly married and had a child with Diego Maradona’s daughter Giannina.

In this new move, which Aguero has dubbed “one that’s likely to cover all the bases”, the 77-time capped international speaks of breeding “super sons” capable of doing what compatriot and good friend Leo Messi can only dream of; actually win a World Cup Tournament.

Turning to another Argentinian legend, this time in the form of the much-loved Gabriel Batistuta, Aguero hopes to spread his genes further field once again and knock up Batistuta’s horrifyingly ugly daughter.

It’s going to be a much tougher challenge than anything I’ve faced in England. To get that intimate with someone so hideous? All I can say is that I hope it will be worth the sacrifice”, said Aguero, before reaching for the nearest sick bucket and drowning out the press conference with the incessant sound of chundering.  

Should the experiment come off and Aguero proves a worthy sperm donor for Batigol’s child, the theory is we can expect great things.

My sperm and Bati’s sperm is like fusing Argentina back with The Falkland Islands. What could possibly go wrong?” added Aguero.

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