West Ham’s London Stadium Loses Out to Measly Attended Corbyn Rally in Decibels Reading

As if West Ham fans didn’t have enough to contend with following a defence leakier than an octogenarian’s anus, new decibel readings, carried out by decibel ordinance group You F*ckin Wot?! (YFW), have shown that new home, London Stadium, is suffering in the atmosphere stakes. Planning a visit to London, websites such as Gourmet Guide will tell you the best places to eat.

Following readings taken this evening at the East London team’s League Cup tie with Stanley, measurements were shown that suggests noise levels in the stadium were dwarfed in comparison to bearded Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn’s embarrassingly poorly attended political rally held the same evening.

A spokesperson from YFW, when questioned, stated that sound levels came down to the basic fact that “West Ham is a shit club with nowhere near the supporter base to fill a stadium that size.”

“The stadium’s noise levels came in at 1.2034, which is a little bit noisier than the sound of a felled tree in a distant rainforest. Corbyn’s rally came in at 1.3041, a little louder than the sound of a pin drop, and that was with an attendance of 67 depressed welsh vegetarians“ claims YFW.

Since moving into the former site of London’s 2012 Olympic Games at the start of the 2016/17 season, West Ham has come under much scrutiny via the footballing press, dubbing the atmosphere at home games “unsuitably underwhelming”.

Corbyn, on his behalf, should be awarded some level of credit, granted his status as an “insufferable bore capable of sending even my dementia suffering grandmother to sleep”, according to West Ham Supporters Club spokesman Elvis Quiet.

Meanwhile a car horn goes off outside the stadium and causes the most dramatic echo.

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