Football transfers are, by nature, a gamble. Clubs spend millions on the promise of goals, assists, and Instagram followers, and sometimes what they get instead is a man who looks confused by the English weather and can't complete a five-yard pass.

I've compiled the definitive list of the worst signings in Premier League history, ranked by the gap between what was promised and what was delivered. This is science. Angry science, but science nonetheless.

15. Robinho to Manchester City (2008)

Arrived thinking he was signing for Chelsea. That tells you everything about the commitment level. Scored some decent goals, then disappeared. Not metaphorically. He literally just stopped turning up for training. A £32.5 million announcement signing who announced that he didn't really fancy it.

14. Andriy Shevchenko to Chelsea (2006)

A Ballon d'Or winner reduced to looking bewildered at Stamford Bridge. £30 million for a striker who scored 9 league goals in two seasons. For context, that's £3.3 million per goal. You could buy a decent League Two striker for each individual goal and still have change.

13. Angel Di María to Manchester United (2014)

Started brilliantly. Then someone broke into his house and he apparently decided Manchester wasn't for him. A £59.7 million signing who lasted one season and whose lasting contribution was a chipped finish against Leicester and a generally miserable demeanour.

12. Fernando Torres to Chelsea (2011)

£50 million. One of the most prolific strikers in Europe. And then... nothing. The ball just wouldn't go in. It was like watching a man who'd forgotten how to do the one thing he was famous for. The miss against Manchester United is seared into the collective memory of football. Twenty yards out. Open goal. The entire net available. He hit the bar.

11. Kepa Arrizabalaga to Chelsea (2018)

The most expensive goalkeeper in history. Let that sink in. The MOST EXPENSIVE GOALKEEPER IN HISTORY. And he refused to be substituted in a cup final. The audacity. The absolute audacity. If one of my goalkeepers had refused to come off, I'd have walked onto the pitch and carried him off myself.

The full top 10 continues in Part 2, publishing Wednesday. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss it.