I watched three Premier League matches this weekend. Three. That's six hours of my life I'm not getting back, and do you know what I saw? I saw defenders backing off. Backing off! Like they were scared the striker might file a complaint with HR.
Back in my day, a centre-half's job was simple. You get between the ball and the goal, and if a striker happened to be in the way, that was his problem. Not yours. His.
Now they teach defending in "phases." Phases! The only phase I ever coached was Phase 1: get tight, Phase 2: stay tight, Phase 3: if he gets past you, the full-back better be covering or he's running laps until Tuesday.
You want to know what's ruined defending? Data. Someone in a suit looked at a spreadsheet and decided that sliding tackles have a "risk-reward ratio" that doesn't justify the "potential for transitional vulnerability." I don't know what that means. I don't want to know what that means. I just know that Tony Adams never needed a laptop to tell him how to defend.
And don't get me started on the high line. Every team plays a high line now. You know what we called a high line in the 90s? A mistake. A catastrophic, career-ending mistake. If my centre-halves pushed up to the halfway line, I'd have dragged them off at half-time and made them watch VHS tapes of Franco Baresi until they understood what defending actually looked like.
The worst part? When a defender does make a proper tackle now, the crowd reacts like they've seen a unicorn. "Oh, what a challenge!" Yes. It's a challenge. That's what defenders do. That's the job. We don't give the goalkeeper a standing ovation for catching the ball, do we?
Actually, knowing modern football, we probably do.
Look, I'm not saying every tackle needs to be a leg-breaker. I'm not some dinosaur. I'm saying there's an art to a well-timed sliding challenge. The timing. The commitment. The sound it makes when studs hit leather. That's football. That's the beautiful game.
What we've got now? That's a university seminar on spatial awareness with a ball involved.
...anyway. Tottenham are on tonight. Maybe I'll see a tackle. I won't hold my breath.